When we’re living in disagreement, most of us reach for sharper arguments. These books invite a different move: patient practices, wiser questions, and a better grasp of how people change. They’ve helped me as a pastor, a neighbor, and a friend.
1) Loving Disagreement — Kathy Khang & Matt Mikalatos
A practical guide to “fruit-of-the-Spirit” conversations. Khang and Mikalatos show how love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control reshape disagreements so they can become places of growth rather than rupture. Accessible and great for personal use or for small groups.
2) Saving Us: A Climate Scientist’s Case for Hope and Healing in a Divided World — Katharine Hayhoe
Yes, it’s about climate. But the gift for our purposes is her method: begin with shared values, connect through story, ask honest questions, and build from common ground. Hayhoe’s approach works well in navigating any disagreement.
3) Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know — Adam Grant
Grant maps the mental habits that keep us stuck—and the reflective practices that help us update our beliefs without losing our integrity. This book has a bunch of great research and is full of concrete examples you can practice this week.
4) How Minds Change — David McRaney
McRaney reports from the front lines of persuasion science and real-world de-escalation. You’ll meet practitioners who help people shift on high-stakes issues by practicing wise, loving methods.
5) The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion — Jonathan Haidt
Denser than the others, but worth the work. Haidt’s moral foundations framework explains why good people talk past one another and how to speak in ways others can actually hear. His metaphors are really helpful in thinking about navigating difficult conversations.
If you’re weary of shouting matches, start here. Practice these approaches around your table, in your church, and online. You’ll discover that change often begins with curiosity, patience, and the courage to love someone you disagree with.
At Disarming Leviathan, we’re trying to live this out—helping Christians move beyond partisan tribalism and culture wars and toward a discipleship that shapes how we love God, and love neighbor in America. Join us by subscribing to our Substack.
